PRAISE - What You Water Grows

Are you paying more attention to what is wrong with your spouse or what is right?

When I look at this picture of Bill and me surrounded by all those sunflowers, I can't help but think about what we choose to focus on in marriage. Sunflowers make me think of turning toward the light, and I wonder how different our marriages might look if we became just as intentional about turning our attention toward the good in our spouse.

When we first fall in love, we tend to notice everything we adore about that person. We notice their kindness, their sense of humor, the way they make us feel, and all those little qualities that make them special. Then we get married, life gets busy, and eventually some of the things we once treasured simply become familiar. Meanwhile, the dirty socks on the floor (usually mine), the thing they forgot to do, or that habit that gets on our last nerve somehow becomes very easy to notice. 😂

That is why I believe Praise is such an important pillar of Pamper Your Marriage. Praise isn't pretending our spouse is perfect or ignoring things that genuinely need to be addressed. It's choosing not to allow what frustrates us to become bigger than everything that is good.

What Are You Looking For?

I think we tend to find what we're looking for. If I spend my days looking for all the ways Bill falls short, I can probably find evidence. But if I intentionally look for the ways he loves me, serves our family, follows the Lord, supports me, makes me laugh, and quietly does things that make our life better, there is plenty of evidence for that too.

The question becomes: Which evidence am I collecting?

Philippians 4:8 tells us,

“Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things.”

We often apply that Scripture to our thought life in general, but what if we applied it specifically to marriage? What if we intentionally trained our minds to notice what is lovely and praiseworthy in the person God gave us? That doesn't mean we never deal with problems. Healthy marriages require honest conversations. But those conversations take place in a very different atmosphere when our spouse already knows, You see the good in me. You appreciate me. You aren't defining me by my weaknesses.

Don't Let the Good Become Ordinary

I think one of the dangers of a long-term relationship is that extraordinary blessings can slowly begin to feel ordinary. Maybe your spouse has faithfully gone to work for years, and you've stopped noticing. Maybe they make the coffee every morning, take care of something around the house, pray for you, listen when you need to talk, make you laugh when you've had a hard day, or consistently show up for your family. Those things can become so normal that we don't think to acknowledge them anymore. But what would happen if we started noticing again? And even more importantly, what if we praised our spouse not only for what they do, but for who they are?

When was the last time you told your spouse what you genuinely admire about them? Not, “Thank you for taking out the trash,” although gratitude matters too. I mean something deeper: I admire your integrity. I love the way you care for people. I see how hard you work. I love your heart for God. I appreciate how patient you are with me. I still love the way you make me laugh. Sometimes the person sleeping beside us needs to hear that we still see them.

HOW DOES THE LORD PAMPER THE CHURCH THROUGH PRAISE?

Of course, when we think about praise, our first thought is usually that we praise God, because He alone is worthy of our worship. But as I think about how the Lord pampers His Bride through this pillar, I see something beautiful in the way He speaks about His people.

God knows every weakness in us, yet He does not define His Bride only by what still needs to change. Throughout Scripture, He reminds His people who they are in Him. We are chosen, loved, redeemed, His workmanship, and His treasured possession. He corrects us because He loves us, but He also continually reminds us of our identity and value in Him.

I think there is something for marriage in that.

We know our spouse's weaknesses better than almost anyone else. Marriage gives us a front-row seat to both the beautiful and the unfinished places in one another. But if God can look at His Bride - fully knowing every place where He is still transforming her - and speak love and identity over her, surely we can learn to speak life over the person He has given us. Praise doesn't deny what needs growth. It simply refuses to let the unfinished places become the only places we see.

Turn Toward the Good

Those sunflowers give me such a simple picture for my marriage. I want to keep turning toward the good. I don't want to become so accustomed to Bill's good qualities that I stop recognizing them. I don't want other people to hear me praise my husband more often than my husband hears me praise him. And I certainly don't want to wait until some special occasion to tell him what I appreciate about the man God gave me.

Words have tremendous power in marriage. Proverbs 18:21 tells us that “the tongue has the power of life and death.” I want my words to bring life into my marriage.

So here's this week's PAMPER Challenge: For the next seven days, tell your spouse one specific thing you appreciate or admire about them every day - with no repeats. Look beyond what they do for you and notice who they are. You might be surprised by how much good you find once you intentionally start looking for it. And maybe you'll discover something else along the way. The more you look for what is good in your spouse, the more your own heart begins to change. There will always be things in marriage that need our attention, but they don't deserve all of our attention. Sometimes we need to turn our faces away from what's irritating us and remember what made us smile in the first place.

P - Praise.

Turn toward the good.

Remember: Your marriage does not need to be perfect, it just needs to be pampered.

If you'd like to go deeper into the seven biblical pillars that have strengthened our marriage, Pamper Your Marriage is available on our website. For a limited time, the book is only $15, and the companion workbook is $10. Whether you're married, dating, single, or investing in other relationships, these biblical principles can help you build stronger, healthier connections centered on Christ.

📖 Pamper Your Marriage is available in paperback and Kindle on Amazon, and our website🌐Learn more at www.PamperYourMarriage.org